Wednesday, December 29, 2010
new year!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
gumawa ako tula wala pa syang title
Friday, January 1, 2010
~nakita ko lang sa tumblr....~
It’s been more than half a year now and I’ve realized you weren’t strong enough to pull yourself out of the haze you fell into. There were days when I would have given anything for you to have just acknowledged the fact that I was alive, the fact that you were alive. I didn’t need you to laugh or to talk or to even get out of bed. No, I just needed proof that your soul was still buried somewhere underneath all that darkness. But you were nothing more than an abandoned hermit shell, hollowed of all self presence. You had fled the shore seeking different shelter from all the demons you’d yet to face. You’d deserted your body which was now an empty vessel of your self worth, and somehow, you managed to destroy everything you left behind, including me. Yet, despite all this, I can’t be angry with you. Because although I always said you chose the coward’s way out, you never did claim to be brave.
You wanna know a secret? Since the day “WE” ended. A part of me hoped that you’d come back. And me? Well, I really did wait for you. Just like I promised. But we’ve both gone too far to go back. You’ve changed. And I’ve changed, too. I don’t love you anymore. I know you don’t love me anymore either. You stopped a long time ago.
It took me a long time to figure all of this out, but now that I have, I guess it’s really for the best. Because now I won’t be stuck in the past, holding on to the days you made me laugh like a crazy person and to the days I’d fight with you, just because I think that you’re wasting so much money on the gifts you give me. I know it’s over and those things aren’t bound to happen ever again. Okay, maybe yes. But not with you.
I’m happy. Especially now that I’ve straightened all of this out. We gave it our best shot and we loved hard. It was beautiful. But now I’m free and you’re in-love. I’m letting go of you, my love for you and of course, the love we used to have.
Lesson learned: You gradually get over the pain. It doesn’t go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with. One morning you wake up and hes not the first thing on your mind. And then a few months down the line, you realize you’ve made it through half a day without thinking of him. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about him occasionally. You manage to do this because you don’t see them, you don’t hear about them, you try not to think about them. And then you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their
name…and the memories come flooding back.
But memories also become less painful in time.
